what about me yada yada yada

So as I approach my 30th birthday, it's strange how all of those things that seem stereotypical of 30 are now feeling more and more appealing. Having a house of my own, a stable base, a family, a career that's blossoming, a fantastic relationship, a prosporous future yada yada yada...Having these wishes is fine but the reality is that all of these things are things that I do not feel are part of my life right here right now. So making these dreams a reality will involve some work, commitment and following my heart - it won't happen overnight. I think today I was feeling pretty down about this gap between my ideal and my reality. But then something incredible happened. I wandered down the street to drop by the restaurant where I'll have my birthday dinner. On the way a number of Oxfam Campaign Officers were standing at the corner, talking to passers by. One was from Ireland, another Scottland. They were so friendly, and although I was in a hurry, I couldn't help but stop and chat. The campaign they are fundraising for is one to save 50,000 children from dying from diareaha, by providing hygiene education and technologies to enable clean drinking water access. So simple. I decided to donate, I didn't know how much I'd donate once I'd decided, but I know that I earn enough to meet my own needs with a bit left over. Once I signed the forms, the campaigner thanked me enormously,and said I had to promise to treat myself to something nice tonight for helping this cause (I ordered fish and chips and went for a walk tonight). He also asked me to promise myself to do something nice when my first donation leaves my bank account. I'll put this date in my diary. Chatting to these and boys, and helping these children and being encouraged to reward myself in my own small way for doing this totally made my day. Here I was thinking that what I need is to work my arse off to get a mortgage to have a place of my own. I don't know that having my own place would give me the same amount of joy as this exchange today. It was so wonderful to meet people from other parts of the world who care about bringing about a peaceful and euqitable world, and to be able to be a small part of the solution. Later this afternoon i watched the film 'Little Women'. The ideals these women have and love they have for each other reminds me that family and community togetherness and closeness is a greatly undervalued part of life. So often we are encouraged to dedicate ALL our energy to work, to enable the life we want (owning a big house of your own, being able to afford good food and healthcare, pursuing hobbies). However, all of these pursuits are nothing if only experienced in a vacuum, if one's own achievements and material aquisitions are consistantly the priority. Life without love, is like drinking weak cordial. You can survive, but you will not thrive. Today I believed that for the first time in a long time, life with love is possible for me. A weight has lifted....